I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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