Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Screwed.edu
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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