just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
