I think I am morally bankrupt
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
