I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
