if you like me you must not know who I am
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
