Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
