They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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