Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
