how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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