R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
