Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
