Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
