I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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