Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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