I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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