Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
