from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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