This is not my ceiling
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
