Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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