I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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