never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
