I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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