Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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