I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
literally had 100 drinks last night.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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