the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
