my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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