He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
