She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
