just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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