I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
