This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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