I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
