I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
