Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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