did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
there is puke in my bra ... again
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
