she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
