i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
