I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
