there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
