So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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