i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just had sex on a roof
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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