Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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