just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
