my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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