the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
