If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
