last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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