I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
