There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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