My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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