This show inspires me to have sex in space
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
