when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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