i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
