genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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