Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
