who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
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Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
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I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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