Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize