Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
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Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
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Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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