We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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